Tuesday, July 02, 2013

Facebook & google+ status updates part XXI

Finding Shoes: a Thriller

"It's like this: if you can live without me, why should we be together?"

The teaching of beauty is this: it is easier to be loved than to be in love.

How big must souls be to survive all the pieces digital cameras take?

Six word Story: "Yes, I do have another life."

"I don't need to be in shape to chase suspects," the Detective explained to the press. "I have a gun."

A stolen city worker uniform. Pylons placed outside a shop you hate. Hours of fun.

"I think it's time we broke up. I realized last night that if I had to choose between you and the cat, I'd pick the cat."

"We are free to do what the gods wants, often enough," quietly. "A world where gods exist isn’t one where people can be free. What can we create that matters, if they create worlds?"

"It turns out I was colour-blind all along."
- an artist's suicide note.

Six-Word Story:
Lost everything, only to find you.

"This is the only page I've managed to write on in years."
- a writer's suicide note.

"I am flattered by the awards, but to be frank I wasn't trying to make a post-structuralist absurdist post-post modern story. I just wrote a very bad novel."

Six Word Story:
Revolution comes; everything stays the same.

Dogs are all we know of heaven, cats all we need of hell.

What's on your mind? Facebook asks me.
The NSA knows. If my mind was my search history
on the net, I would be screwed.
(This has been an almost topical post.)

"You don't know how many people I've killed to find you, just to say I'm sorry."

"Fear must supply a power all its own; how else could it overcome love so often?"

I could not love you half so much
Loved I not tax breaks more.

"How many people would YOU kill for the newest iPhone?"
The question haunted him as he loaded his second gun. It had never been rhetorical, not rhetorical at all.

News headline: Obama, Putin face tough talks on Syria
What I read: Obama, Puffin face tough talks on Syria

Reasons given to someone to get up in the morning:
Because the future is all new things: chances, hopes, wishes, dreams. And, prosaically, there are books never read, TV shows never seen and friends unmet. The past is solid, the future fluid.

What will probably be (owing to working on other stuff) my only bit of writing tonight:
a poem about flushing pizza down a toilet.
... I am going to EARN that Pulitzer.

"The only thing I regret is having nothing to regret."

"You know," the advertising man said, "everyone in our business does cocaine. We really should look into hiring whoever sold us on that."

A Haiku

Notes written to myself in a file:
Murder is a lot less terrifying than a small, patient albino elf who finds you when sleeping and then harvests one of your kidneys and leaves no memory or pain, just a small little scar you don't remember getting - then finding out at your next physical that you're missing a kidney

Have an unwanted guest problem??? At your next outdoor gathering try this SAFE and EFFECTIVE method of keeping them at bay! Simply take a pitbull and feed it caffeine for an ALL NATURAL party crasher repellent... Make sure to SHARE THIS with your friends! '

"Why did you have so many children?" the reporter asked. "Ten children and over forty grandchildren is a lot in the modern world."
Granny laughed. "It's simple: when I publish my memoirs, I'll get at least fifty sales if they know what's good for them."

You know you are too busy in the morning when you go: 'Oh. I made coffee and entirely forgot to pour myself a cup.' Which, some days, feels akin to: 'Oh, right. Breathing. I forgot to do that this morning.'  



    I almost snorted coffee from my nose.

    ...just the image you wanted, right? ;)

    1. *laughs* Which one caused that? :)

    2. Like, several. But my favorites were:
      Finding shoes, choosing the cat, the artist's suicide note, a poem about flushing pizza (PLEASE write that!), the writing granny, and especially the Pi haiku!

    3. The finding shoes was based on an xmas trip out east and being in a car while a gaggle of aunts prowled a small shoe store for sales. Most of the others: who knows? The pizza one was written as submission to a tumblr blog based around pizza and toilets, of all things, so I decided to combine the both into one...


      His boyfriend came home
      cold, late, the kind of night
      made for bleak things.
      He was in the bathroom,
      the smell of pizza hanging
      in the air like a prayer,
      flushing slices down the toilet
      one after another.
      "Hey," his boyfriend said,
      which meant many things.
      Mostly hey,and: how are you?
      Even: why are you doing this?
      "My dad died. Today.
      I got word. From the hospital."
      Each word was a broken thing.
      "He was a plumber. This is for him."
      And everything under that
      was ugly and uncooked.
      Another flush, another.
      There were no tears,
      just the coriolis effect
      and two empty pizza boxes.

  2. 1000th.monkey referred this and it's hilarious.

    1. Thank you for that. It's mostly how I amuse myself with facebook since I only got on it after being bugged a LOT by friends.