Just some quick notes here, for me and to me:
- Camden needs to actually BE a superhero. The bank incident should spur him on to become one and win back Angelina.
- The world is one of superheroes and villains; as much as him being "I'm neither!" over it works in theory, it failed in practice. GhostSoul it works for, since he is essentially amoral. Camden is not.
- The mid-life crisis becomes more oomphable with him questioning his decision to be a hero, the good he's done etc. etc. It also needs to happen via scenes throughout the novel, not just in the rare scenes I did. The Rsketh need to be more than they were.
- Yugo needs to appear more.
- a CREDIBLE (i.e. useful to char and plot) alternate-dimension trip has to happen, not the thing I wrote.
- If his parents are important, they need to BE in the novel more.
things to leave entirely as they were:
- Master J.
- Edsel worked wonderfully.
- Bryce, though there need to be non-powered them flashback moments.
- Atomic Crush. More scenes with, too.
- Linda, though she does have to change jobs.
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