Bobo's

“Never trust a bar where the bar snacks are covered in dust. What kind of bar offers free drinks at 7 .a.m., a glass of Bobo’s Best on the house. On The House might be part of the drink name. It is very fruity. I didn’t think bars stayed open at 5 a.m. Coolio. 5 stars.”

— Sammie Q. 03/15/2014

“I’ve been sitting at the bar for hours. Days, weeks? Dunno. The war is going on outside, and mom always nagged me that I had to do something. Something important. Awesome sale on appy’s and they don’t let any of the machines in. 4 stars.”

— John C. 04/07/2032

“I’ve met Bobo. No one else claims to. Bobo says we’re special. That we have a destiny. He smiles too much, like clowns don’t. Sometimes Bobo is a woman. They keep giving me drinks. I’ve been here for six weeks. Help me. I want to give 0 stars but I’m not allowed to. I don’t think Bobo lets anyone leave if they give 0 stars. Did u know there are only four Bobo’s franchises left in the world? I just learned that. (Help me.)”

— name withheld 06/10/2014

“The drinks are cheap. The other reviews were right about that. A lot of free ones, on the house. Just don’t try and use the bathrooms. Shit in a booth if you have to; you’ll be thrown out but that’s safer. Scary thing? If the bathrooms are like that, imagine what the kitchens look like.”

— Chastity F. 12/25/2013

“I was paid $500 to write a 5-star review for Bobo’s. Someone actually attached the message to a damn owl and got them to fly into my window. That alone is worth 6 stars. Don’t know why they need this review, but I got a free bottle of wine. Anyone else ever heard of a brand called Elysium Fields? It’s really good. Maybe it’s a band too. God damn do I feel good! 5 stars.”

— Mark L. 05/16/2014