“I’m afraid that
being very good at solving riddles is not the kind of marketable
skill we were expecting on your resume.”
“Do you know what
the smile on your keyboard means?”
“It’s for using
emoji. I don’t use them myself.”
“You should.
Technology has reached peak emoticon. It is possible now.”
“Huh? What is?”
“You could release
the first novel written entirely in emoji.”
“I miss you like I
miss the possessive apostrophe.”
I keep whispering
your name, three times into each mirror I pass, hoping to spot your
reflection in even one, hoping to summon you with childhood rhymes
because I have been left with nothing else.
“Few monsters
warrant the fear we have for them. Dentists, on the other hand…”
“You wrote ‘I am tired of giving
the world free content.’”
“I did. I am.”
“And it didn’t
occur to you that maybe my birthday card wasn’t the best place to
begin writing down your damn manifesto?”
“Due to drought
conditions, we have decided to examine the efficacy of watering lawns
with pain. Tears are, after all, a source of water.”
You stopped the
conversation mid-flow, saying I had succeeded my monthly data limit
in talking to you. I laughed for a moment but you had never been more
serious.
I can’t write love
poems about you
Because I buy you a
card from Hallmark
Every Valentine’s
Day
They keep stealing
away your nightmares, trying to turn them into dreams.
“Keep talking. You
are only two sentences away from being the villain in my next story.”
“You don’t
understand: I don’t want to be with you. I want to be you.”
Loving me was many
things, but not a victimless crime.
Why is it that we
seem to hurt each other the most just when we’re finally not trying
to hurt each other at all?
“You can’t solve
all your problems by hitting the snooze button on your alarm clock.”
If cats really have
nine lives, why do we continue to do animal experiments on mice?
It was when Joe
began to post only memes as status updates on Facebook that Marty
realized the aliens had taken over him as well.
They sell so many
mouse traps in stores, and only you know why.
Every night you
dream about them, terrified. Your shrink says: "You are just
afraid of mice", says: "it's just projecting" but you
know what really goes on, who they really are. And, some day, you
plan to bring their Magic Kingdom tumbling down...
American Horror
Story:
Ban a flag, keep the
guns.
Another Horror
Story:
“Every single fact
you read on the Internet is correct.”
They keep saying
that they love you, as if you both know what love is. As if words
have only one meaning, as though forests contained only one kind of
tree.
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