The Other Half

“Hi!”

I am juggling unbinding six supernovas, waiting for planets to evacuate and stopping a hingari fleet from exiting hyperspace when the voice speaks behind me with relentless optimism.

“I am rather busy right now. If you’re here to kill me, kindly go away.”

“Oh! That is a lot of bindings, but you can do this!” And I watch as five planets rip free from stars and move to surround a different star. I turn, and stare. Jay grins back at me. Me. At eleven. Of course it would be.

“You shoved six civilizations into the same solar system. That can’t end well,” I say as calmly as I can.

“Even if they are jaysome?” he demands. “I know, I could –!”

“You have done enough.” He stops at my tone. Pouts.

“You sound just like –.” And he stops, scowls up at me. “You have a really funny look on my face you know!”

“I imagine I do. There are things you are not permitted to do in the future. Or say.”

“Oh.” He barely tries, and the other stars shrink back to normal because no one wants to disappoint someone who thinks they are jaysome. The five worlds appear where they used to be, and the consequences of causally blinking and moving worlds out of existence don’t happen.

I can do things now I never could at eleven, but his innocence is an armour that is breathtaking in its scope. “Why are you here?” I ask finally.

“Because I need a BatJay for adventures but I think you’ll say no to that so – I know! Did you know that some people have a better half, which means jaysome could too!”

“I am you, so I do know –.” I Pause. Stare at him. “You wish to get married?”

“I think that’s the kind of binding feverfewm meant cuz of signatures and everything!” He grins. I try and make sure he doesn’t realize how deeply that grin hurts.

“Jay. I am you. At fourteen. And you want to marry me?”

“Well, it means more jaysome and I’m way too shouty at twelve and twitchy at thirteen but you’re all kinds of like me cuz of bindings! And that means you can be my better half!”

I don’t move. Myself, at eleven, thinks I am suited to be the other half of jaysome. I do bindings on myself, find refuge in stillness. “Jay.” My voice is distant, even to my ears.

“Did I do an oops?”

“You could say that.” I don’t break. I owe it to myself to not break. His concern is as jaysome as the rest of him. “It would be complicated, and too dangerous since we are at different times of our existence. If we marry, the time between could be damaged.”

“But I think I’m not jaysome some of those times?” he asks slowly.

“You are still Jay. And cannot lose that.”

“Oh. So I need to marry – I know!”

He vanishes back through time.

I am very old, and there are many things I choose not to remember. But this time I reach back for the moments after this, and for a moment I laugh softly and shake my head.

And then get back to fixing what I had done, and trying to make sure Jay didn’t break anything by accident. Again.