Thursday, March 01, 2012

facebook & google+ status updates part IX (March 1, 2012)



A little known fact: the only people who can become zombies are those who've never been vaccinated.

The heart of North America is dying in a small town no one can find, except by knowing the way to Babylon, according to readings of tarot cards. Some say the town is really Roanoke, others that it's the embodiment of the american west and still other that it's the corroded remains of the american dream held together by the will of a dying saviour with nothing left to save.
In small type, 'psychic pokemon' looks an awful lot like 'psycho pokemon'. Which would perhaps make the entire concept more interesting.

Other uses for your 'Survive the Zombiepocalypse' kit:
1) Survive the coming collapse of civilization as we know it
2) Have interesting gifts to give our new AI overlords in the next century

It turned out to be the phone call she'd always been dreading.
"Mom? How do you get bloodstains out of clothing again?"
Again ... again ... again. She closed her eyes; the world didn't go away.

Little known facts about God:
He has never understood why we don't always smile
The Devil never tells lies about Him, not a one
Sometimes He is sad -- often not as sad as some think He should be, but He is
His ice cream is flavoured with the Higgs boson

Each day the department store has a new window display, the staff vainly hoping people will believe it is some other shop, their smiles red and hungry.

"There is no comfort like ignorance," he says, turning off the tv. "I won't even watch Reality TV anymore, to be safe."

In the notebook, she had written down neatly
'Days when it is not worth getting up:
Today
Yesterday
Tomorrow'
She looked up from making the coffee as I emerged from the room; we said nothing.

Occupy nothing: a singer who refuses to sing in any known tongue, an artist whose canvases are all empty, writers not paid enough to tell you lies.

Sometimes things don't have to make sense. Sometimes it's just the way things are when we're so sad that all we can do is smile.

"Blow out your candles dear, and remember: it's now too late for you to die young. You're going to grow old like the rest of us."

I posted that sign telling people to stand, to watch the world, to pause and breathe and realize how awesome the world is.
I didn't think it necessary to include a warning about watching for my friends behind them waiting to mug them.

Waiting for the other shoe to fall, the sky the colour of a sour melon.

The dog sleep, wakes, eats, goes for walk, wait for walks. His dreams are small things, of happiness; his gods smaller still. Only the unhappy need gods.

"I know I snapped and ran over those two kids, but it's not my fault your honour: I was drinking Serious Coffee and it demanded a serious response to jaywalking."

Ignore the Power Point chart. The page with your name in blood-red on a background that can't ever stay the same is just a glitch. I know you all saw your own names, and a date, but Microsoft assures us it is not the hour of your death. Writing it down might be a good idea, however, to be on the safe side.

For only 30 pieces of silver the local dry cleaners gets souls sparking white.

First Contact was the grill of my car.
Maybe If I'd hit the breaks, they wouldn't have destroyed the city.
Maybe.

"It was true love; I couldn't see anything but you in the room: that is why I tripped over the rug."
"I know," she says, "but you have to fill out the Health & Safety forms anyway. You'll find true love on page four."

A short story. I have only one goal left in life: to hunt down the stork for bringing you to us.

A chain restaurant whose menu lists staff under main courses if they fail to meet their goals.

"Of course there are no miracles these days," she says. "God is too busy with the paperwork to do anything at all. Dark matter is where He hides the forms filled in triplicate."
"Then how is reality TV so popular?"
"The Devil never does any paperwork at all."

"I used to hate you," he admits, studying the table. "Now I hate myself instead. It's … much more productive."

A girl’s teddy stitched up with human intestine, her gaze thin and defiant.

For Sale: 1 cat, 3 lives left.

To understand why she killed him is simple: just imagine Sisyphus snoring.

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