A
little known fact: the only people who can become zombies are those
who've never been vaccinated.
The
heart of North America is dying in a small town no one can find,
except by knowing the way to Babylon, according to readings of tarot
cards. Some say the town is really Roanoke, others that it's the
embodiment of the american west and still other that it's the
corroded remains of the american dream held together by the will of a
dying saviour with nothing left to save.
In
small type, 'psychic pokemon' looks an awful lot like 'psycho
pokemon'. Which would perhaps make the entire concept more
interesting.
Other
uses for your 'Survive the Zombiepocalypse' kit:
1)
Survive the coming collapse of civilization as we know it
2)
Have interesting gifts to give our new AI overlords in the next
century
It
turned out to be the phone call she'd always been dreading.
"Mom?
How do you get bloodstains out of clothing again?"
Again
... again ... again. She closed her eyes; the world didn't go away.
Little
known facts about God:
He
has never understood why we don't always smile
The
Devil never tells lies about Him, not a one
Sometimes
He is sad -- often not as sad as some think He should be, but He is
His
ice cream is flavoured with the Higgs boson
Each
day the department store has a new window display, the staff vainly
hoping people will believe it is some other shop, their smiles red
and hungry.
"There
is no comfort like ignorance," he says, turning off the tv. "I
won't even watch Reality TV anymore, to be safe."
In
the notebook, she had written down neatly
'Days
when it is not worth getting up:
Today
Yesterday
Tomorrow'
She
looked up from making the coffee as I emerged from the room; we said
nothing.
Occupy
nothing: a singer who refuses to sing in any known tongue, an artist
whose canvases are all empty, writers not paid enough to tell you
lies.
Sometimes
things don't have to make sense. Sometimes it's just the way things
are when we're so sad that all we can do is smile.
"Blow
out your candles dear, and remember: it's now too late for you to die
young. You're going to grow old like the rest of us."
I
posted that sign telling people to stand, to watch the world, to
pause and breathe and realize how awesome the world is.
I
didn't think it necessary to include a warning about watching for my
friends behind them waiting to mug them.
Waiting
for the other shoe to fall, the sky the colour of a sour melon.
The
dog sleep, wakes, eats, goes for walk, wait for walks. His dreams are
small things, of happiness; his gods smaller still. Only the unhappy
need gods.
"I
know I snapped and ran over those two kids, but it's not my fault
your honour: I was drinking Serious Coffee and it demanded a serious
response to jaywalking."
Ignore
the Power Point chart. The page with your name in blood-red on a
background that can't ever stay the same is just a glitch. I know you
all saw your own names, and a date, but Microsoft assures us it is
not the hour of your death. Writing it down might be a good idea,
however, to be on the safe side.
For
only 30 pieces of silver the local dry cleaners gets souls sparking
white.
First
Contact was the grill of my car.
Maybe
If I'd hit the breaks, they wouldn't have destroyed the city.
Maybe.
"It
was true love; I couldn't see anything but you in the room: that is
why I tripped over the rug."
"I
know," she says, "but you have to fill out the Health &
Safety forms anyway. You'll find true love on page four."
A
short story. I have only one goal left in life: to hunt down the
stork for bringing you to us.
A
chain restaurant whose menu lists staff under main courses if they
fail to meet their goals.
"Of
course there are no miracles these days," she says. "God is
too busy with the paperwork to do anything at all. Dark matter is
where He hides the forms filled in triplicate."
"Then
how is reality TV so popular?"
"The
Devil never does any paperwork at all."
"I
used to hate you," he admits, studying the table. "Now I
hate myself instead. It's … much more productive."
A
girl’s teddy stitched up with human intestine, her gaze thin and
defiant.
For
Sale: 1 cat, 3 lives left.
To
understand why she killed him is simple: just imagine Sisyphus
snoring.
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