Wednesday, August 01, 2012

facebook & google+ status updates part XIV

The only important thing to know is this.

Do Jehovah's Witnesses who become vampires starve to death since drinking blood would be a transfusion?

“Of course I only shot once at the fleeing suspect,” the Detective said. “Every short fired is two hours of paperwork and I do have other cases.”

"I keep forgetting so much that you claim to remember; our stories never mesh anymore."

Unhappiness comes only from loss of the Now-self, the present we fall out of when we succumb to worry and fear.
Happiness is knowing that entire sentence was BS.

He found he had hunger enough to want the world to change but wealth enough to desire that it remained as it was.
The major advantage of being a homeopath would be that you can’t kill yourself via an overdose.

Amnesty international worker: ex-Santa's Elf.

The bus that went to paradise was always empty, the fare too high to pay.

If the race card is the only one you play, then perhaps you should reexamine your deck.

If you were on death row, what would you want your last meal to be?

It is said that demons always smile because their joy never diminishes. This is as true of the angel who slaughtered all the first-born of Egypt.
Among the gifts god gave us, the greatest of these is our capacity for sadness.

"The monster under the bed, darling? That's simple: it's your adult self."

"What do you mean I've bee replaced by an 'app'," the Detective asked. "How can an appliance solve problems?"

There is no such thing as ghosts. But there are demons, which is why they appear to you after the second drink – perhaps the third – with ethereal bodies and sad eyes, to whisper: "It wouldn't have happened if you'd really loved me."

"I know you're wondering if I fired five shots or six," the Detective said. "The truth is that it doesn't matter: I have another gun."

On the autopsy table we are all equally beautiful.

Every lie contains a seed of truth. For example, the phrase 'sharper than a serpent's tooth' is not actually about how sharp a dragon's tooth is: everyone knows dragon's don't have teeth since the fire from their mouths would ruin them.

From a description in a WIP: Eyes the colour of burnt sausages.

9 out of every 6 statistics are made up.

Every book the author wrote included at least one ghost. When pressed as to why, she said:
"Because they are the only ones who are real."

Luck lies in getting what you do not deserve.

The internet: Now better than university at allowing people to be educated beyond their intelligence.

"Everything he made me I never wanted to be."

"I think I love you," He said, voice was a broken whisper, smile not much better. "It hurts so much to say that; I thought love wasn't supposed to hurt."
"I thought you weren't going to say, 'I think'."

Being turned into a teddy bear wasn't the worst part; the worst part was only being able to get nourishment from hugs.

"You really shouldn't have changed your facebook status to 'murderer'; we hadn't been sure it was you until you did that," the Detective said.

Make humans cheap enough to feed and slavery becomes a viable economic system.
It was not an outcome those responsible for the nanotech food revolution had been expecting.

Theory of the day: Satan is God's accountant. Discuss.
(Also give thoughts to the notion that, if God does exist outside time and space, does this give new meaning to off-shore bank accounts?)

It used to be so simple, he says, but his smile isn't simple at all.

What kind of person forgets to dream? One looking to wake up.

We can do anything so long as we're afraid of what will happen if we fail.

Everyone said they laughed only on the outside, but Whitey the Clown had a secret: he laughed on the inside as well, especially when the children wept in fear at seeing him. Other clowns asked how he could bear it, but he was used to the tears of children from his days as a mall Santa.

To change the world one must sh:ft

here's my secret: when
we fall apart is sometimes
the best part of all.

Is the Peanuts a genteeel metaphor for Lord of the Flies?

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