Thursday, April 02, 2015

Facebook status updates part XXXIII (March 2015)

“Your god is too small,” they said. “Making a god is a laudable goal for an arts project, but regulations stipulate that the god must be larger than six picometres for the judging panel to adequately assess it.”

She waited at the bus stop more eagerly for the bus than she’d ever had for him. That was almost when she knew.

You know how sometimes you can hear better if you close your eyes? Sometimes I think I can see you better when I close my eyes as well.

The wizard could name all six of the lesser ethereal planes of power, knew the names and ward-signs of all the 7000 demons of the fourth order of the sixth circle of the Outer Walls but he was disturbed each year to realize he couldn’t remember the birthday or anniversary of his wife. Once, he did examinations to see if she was truly human and not a trap set for him by some terrible enemy: she merely laughed when she found out, and said that it was simply part of being a man. But even so, the wizard wondered and could never quite bring himself to trust.

"I don’t need to be rich. Or even famous. All I would like, I think, are just some cheat codes. Not many, but a few to work in the real world and not just in video games. I’d like to be able to skip Mondays as though they were cut scenes."

"You don’t understand," he wept. "It was about the shoes. It was the shoes all along! Did no one notice the shoes?!"

“I have five perfect coffee cups in a set of six. The sixth has a small imperfection in the handle that my thumb presses against; I only use the sixth cup. The others sit unused, rendered boring by their perfection. I trust this explains many things about why I find you so attractive?”

'The file has been changed since it was opened for editing. Saving your version of the document will overwrite changes made by others'
The NSA is, clearly, altering files on my computer. Again.

“I tried so hard to save the world. So hard. It seems these days,” she said softly, “that the world wanted other things than being saved.”

I am trying to hold my life together like a child’s bear stuffed with drugs trying to sneak past customs.

If love hurts so good
What, pray tell, hurts bad?

"But it was only a joke. It was just a joke," he tweeted even as the bombs began to fall.

Life goals:
I am going to reinvent myself as an app.

What if every Jesus or Mary seen in toast is actually them trying to manifest in order to be in selfies?

"Dear, I am afraid that the company can fire you."
"But – but I’m too big to fail."
"That only applies to corporations, not to their employees."

"Since when," he asks with uncompromising gentleness, "do you take destruction as the only solution to a problem?"

Tell me lies, you whispered in the bedroom, trying out something read in a newsstand magazine. So I said I could remember your birthday, our anniversary, that the late night at the office last week had been merely work. You cancelled your subscription to Chatelaine the next morning.

I'd be as useful at giving pep talks as a six-pack-a-day smoker would be going into a school telling people how to quit smoking.

I found the muse in the bar, drunk on cheap wine and cheaper beer. “Everyone thinks all the muses are female,” he whispered, hiccuping around another gulp of drink. “No one expects me to inspire them: the only work I get is on romance novel covers.”
You’re telling me no stories have been inspired by a male muse?”
He shook his head, and I accepted the bottle offered and got very drunk indeed.

The job interview turned out to be quite simple.
“To your right, you will find a piece of paper with today’s horoscope on it. Using your star sign, explain why you are the individual best suited for this job.”

Every time I see you I am tripping over shoelaces I thought were tied.

Heh.” The sound was almost a laugh. “Forgetting is important: if we didn’t forget, we would be unable to forgive.”

This is an iPoem; it was
Not made by an Android

"Sometimes I think genius demands an even higher price than it knows."
"Sir, that may be true but poutine and asparagus beer is not going to catch on."
"But Franklin is our prize research —."
"Not even with the hollandaise infusion, sir."

"Publish or perish. The words are all that hold them back. They are hungry," she whispered, "so very, very hungry."
"They are your audience, not zombies," her agent said with a laugh that he did not, on reflection, entirely believe himself.

“I wish I could find out a way to run out of things to hate.” And he stared down at his hands, and said nothing else at all.

I told you that I was busy pretending to be me. And you just smiled like you understood which me I meant.

"I don’t think most people know what to do when confronted by tears not caused by an obvious wound, or people wouldn’t be told crying is weak when it can sometimes be the strongest thing you can do."

"I’ve just — I’ve never thought about another guy like that. Girls, sometimes, sure —.” His laugh was a bit shaky. “It seems silly to be worried about, given everything, but I got to worrying about what he might like, and hurting him, and what might happen. He’s clingy and crowds, but given what’s happened to him before he met us, I don’t know how much of that is just him needing friends so badly that it comes off as maybe being more than that?”.
He offered another shaky laugh, his smile a twisting of lips. “I’m kind of worried about getting into a romantic relationship with anyone; not being in one is complicated enough right now.”

"The surest way to destroy truth is to frame it as madness."

"I have power, such power in me, and I threw everything I had at it, and I lost. I barely escaped with my life, and I was running away, tearing holes in the world as I fled. I don’t want — I don’t want to die like that. With all this — all of it — not being for anything, with all I’ve been and done meaning nothing.
"And I think that means I need to get stronger. Bigger. More … I don’t know. I have so much power, and I find I need so much more. I’m kind of scared of what I might turn into, I think. Scared of me. I think - I think we’re only scared of us, maybe, in the end?”

"There are many reasons I’m divorcing you, but the chief one is this: you’ve stopped reblogging me on tumblr."

I offered you pieces of my madness in diary format, and something of it said myspace rather than facebook even if we never talked about why.

It was a joyous day at the store when the pest control people removed all the customers.

"Sometimes I lose sight of the important things in my long unlife, for immortality weighs heavily on both the body and the mind." The vampire let out a deep sigh. "But then I butcher another young girl full of dreams, hopes, and aspirations and suddenly everything it all right in the world."

"You don't have to be in a sleeping bag in a gutter to be invisible," Bess said to Boy, "not if you know what you're doing. It's like getting a seat to yourself on the bus. You smile, make eye contact, pat the seat. Most of the magic I know is tricks like that, magics so old most of it is probably not even magic anymore. Kind of like sex," she added, just to see him blush.

“Just because someone is weak doesn’t mean they’re evil.”

I bet 99% of you won't!
(because posts like this are an act of bullying, that's why)

No comments:

Post a Comment