Sunday, July 03, 2016

Epic Adventuring!

“Two months ago, I chained the Hollow God under the corner of Fifth and Main in order to stop him from gaining more power, because humans aren’t meant to learn how to absorb gods and eat them like candy. The Loa aren’t snack food, in other words. I did not expect to find anyone coming to visit him and bringing the latest James Patterson novel. Especially not when I made the strongest wards I could about this, so you will explain yourself,” and the magician’s voice gets all not-friendy and harsh, like how Dentist’s really sound like inside themselves.

“Well, he’s all kinds of lonely,” I explainify like a jayboss does. “And I heard that, so I decided to come say hi. Plus. I bet Charlie could help him if we visit and I bet it was just an oops!”

The magician stares at me. She isn’t as good at staring as Honcho, but she tries really hard. “You think Andrew McMike – which I known isn’t his real name – ate gods by accident?”

“I’ve done lots of accidents, and most of them I didn’t mean to do. Plus chaining people instead of doing a helping isn’t good for any magician, you know.”

She isn’t as old as Honcho, but there is a hardness to her eyes he hasn’t had since I’ve known him and she does magic stuff around me in the sewers that I’m willing to bet is really mean. “What are you, that my power cannot touch you?”

“I’m Jay. That’s a who and a what and sometimes even a why I bet.” I grin like a Jay, all sorts of jaysomely, but she doesn’t return it at all because sometimes magicians are really kinda focused and not good at grinning at all. Which is pretty sad-face.

She gestures, and the sewer water tries to drown me before I talk it into being nice, and then I have to do bindings to stop her from doing stuff that would damage her own city, and that’s not jaysome at all. I informify her of that, and she speaks a Word that humans definitely aren’t meant to know and the world gets colours humans don’t normally see for a few moments.

I say hi to Dave, who isn’t really a Dave even if he looks like one because of the tie, and Dave vanishes back outside the universe because I’m really good at saying hello.

The magician stares at me almost like Charlie does. “How can you do that? There is no Outsider than can seem so human.”

“Oh! I’m really good at it,” I kinda boast a little. “Most days I don’t even have extra fingers!”

The Hollow God reads the James Patterson novel and pretends to ignore us, but I think maybe he’s laughing a little. But I bet that’s totally because I made a JayJoke.

“Why are you here?” the magician asks.

“Well, you kinda tried to push me and I’m making a new friend and –.”

The magician does another magic thing, this one making me tingle all over.

“And I’m still here even if you’re being pretty rude,” I say, because she is.

“This is my city. You are not welcome here.”

“Huh? But I’m having an epic adventure cuz all adventures are epic and the pavement likes me a lot because I drew some funny faces on it plus you’re just scared cuz you can’t bully me and that’s a really sad thing since a magician isn’t meant to be a bully and and and you never even tried to make friends with me or your Hollow God at all and just put people into chains and lock them in the dark and that isn’t any kind of jaysome at all – also, locking people away like that isn’t being a magician at all but maybe a politician and magicians aren’t meant to be that but I bet you’re just really stressed and we can be friends anyway because friendships are really important!”

And then she tries to banish me again, so I just leave and promise the Hollow God to bring another novel in a couple of months and I bet the magician of that city is gonna have even more traps and tricks to try and stop a Jay. But maybe she’ll learn to see this as a fun adventure too, because it’s definitely going to be pretty epic I bet!

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