The secret language of flus is to speak
to each other via our coughs.
A proposed novel:
When Real Things
Happen To Real People: Survival Show Contestants After the Limelight.
Subtitled: A Study
in Suicide and Depression.
"Love is an artificial sweetener."
He pushed a beer across the counter. "It makes sense after the
second drink."
I admit to a lack of skepticism
regarding my own skepticm at times, but I prefer that to the
undervaluing of human achievement inherent in any hypothesis
involving the following three words: 'aliens did it'.
Diet Blood – for the vampire with
high blood pressure.
"Where's my free toy?" the
werewolf said.
"That's only for happy meals –
you don't get one for eating staff."
This is a six word story.
Proposed book:
The Origin of Consciousness in the
Breakdown of the Bicaramilk Mind
The street contained one townhome with
a different trim than all the others. Over time the others slowly
moved inward, to crush and to consume.
Everyone thought Soul Mart
was a joke until politicians queued outside the front door, faces
naked with ugly hope.
"I'm sorry," I
said to the judge. "I really am." I'd read somewhere that
saying you're sorry, no matter if you are, helps reduce your
sentence. "It's just that I wanted the article about me on
wikipedia to be more than a stub. That's why I did those terrible,
awful things."
The dead giggle,
whispering porn star lies to the medium who struggles not to laugh as
grieving widows wait for messages from beyond, fistfuls of cash
trembling in believing hands.
He
staggers, seeming drunk, a reality of avoiding cracks in sidewalks
passing others by unnoticed.
The real shock wasn't the
sky raining down angels and demons, it was how small they all were.
From WIP: Garn was the
oldest witch in all the world, her cunning matched only by her
cruelty.
DadTracker: A TV show based on two men
on horseback hunting down those who don't pay child support.
Crazy Dave's weight-loss
clinic: lose 20-40 lbs on your first trip! Results guaranteed! Our
limb-removal specialists will help you decide what limb you need the
least!
Everything we do is about
this: trying to remind the gods that we exist.
He smiled. "Everything
I know of kindness I learned from dogs."
Sometimes people knew her
name, but not often. When asked what she did, she explained to
acquaintances that she made videos on the internet which millions of
people liked them and received blank looks in reply.
Internet-famous, she found, was not the same as other kinds of
famous.
Timeshares in Hades!
Cheap! Cheap! Cheap!
If it isn't printed on a
t-shirt or bumper sticker, it isn't really wisdom.
Nametags on which you can
only write your true name, ancient and wonderful.
Every time we kiss I
forget my name. What will we have to do so I can forget yours?
Breyman's patented formulaic cold
fusion anti-ageing cream:
Watch your flesh just melt away!(tm)
Possible minor side
effects may include, but are not limited to, the following: death,
looking like Skeletor, thinking Angelina Jolie needs to lose weight,
a paranoid desire to find and murder Jenny Craig, or becoming a
zombie.
"We're going to remove your wisdom
teeth," the dentist says. "Once I have enough, I'll find
out why I never was a tooth fairy."
I tried to love you but it
hurt too much to stay.
A framed photo hung on the
coffee shop wall of the only person to buy one of the paintings
they'd had on display for years.
The dead returned to
destroy the living: billions of corpses, all collecting unemployment.
There is no such thing as
Dark Matter.
There is only paperwork.
He said, "Life is a
prison."
She smiled strangely at
that. "No, you're thinking of death."
Splash
In spring, dreams –
like rain –
slowly dissolve into mud and
but look! a puddle.
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