No one ever said it was easy to eat a god. What people don't say is that it happens all the time. The Christians have transubstantiation, where wafers and wine and literally flesh and flesh, and most religions have some form of theophagy: kings ground up into mulch, grain was eating gods, stuff like that. Children drinking milk from breasts might be the same sort of act, when their parents are as gods to them. Like I said, it happens all the time.
Also, I used google. When you're travelling with a magician who says he's using you to scare people with, you read stuff. I've learned there's a video game called god-eater, also that Aztec gods sacrificed themselves to begin a new age. Not sure there's many religions where the gods themselves do such things, but the internet is a craptastic source to go on.
There are things I won't google.
No one talks about what happens after. You eat a god, things get better. Ta-fucking-da, as if magic tricks were real magic. As if things were simple. The monster in my closet was a god, see. My dad made him, the magician opened the closet door. I ate the god. Being a god-eater is something I can do. No one will tell me why, so there's that. But the first time went wrong. First times do that. I became what I ate, or it become me. Slipped inside. Is part of me.
I've eaten stuff since. It all went down. The god stayed in me like skin under my skin. Only not like that at all. It's an itch that only goes away when I let it out, and it is power, and anger, and strength. What's becoming a force of nature if not addictive?
There are things I won't google. Answers I won't look for.
If I hold it right, if I balance it, I get power and can still eat stuff: energy, magic, gods. Does squat for burning off calories; I asked him about that, and the magician just looked utterly baffled as if he didn't know why anyone would worry about such things. He keeps telling me magicians aren't entirely human. I say he's still a man, at least sometimes, and he just smiles and bows as if it's a compliment.
Thing is, he's becoming a friend. A good one, but if I had to choose between him and what's inside me? Between that and eating gods? I think I'd give it all up. I don't know what I'd become. But there was a monster in my closet and it watched over me. Became me. We protect each other. (Sometimes I say 'we' when I mean I.) No one ever said it was easy to love a god either, and I wonder what we're becoming. What I am can scare the world, and I'm a little scared to learn more.
There are things I won't google. Answers I won't look for. Questions I won't ask.