Facebook status updates part XXXIV (April 2015)

I delete more than I will ever write about you.

“Sometimes I feel as though my entire life was a run-on sentence without end that gave me no time to pause for breath or even consider stopping but only rushing onward without a hint to any road signs or even a chance of stopping to smell anything at all as I hurried onward through my life from circumstances and chances that piled up behind me and fell away ahead of me so that I kept on running as I tried to grab at a future I had long ago left behind me some place where I had forgotten the simple pleasures of punctuation in my rush for an ending that was not the same base period everyone else ended up with but rather an exclamation mark or even a question mark that would tell others I had been in some small way unique.”

They say pain is relative because they are often the cause of it.

“You can’t break someone, even with the best will in the world, and not risk breaking something of yourself as well…. Change is never welcomed, but always necessary.”

Voodoo has nothing on momdoo.

“I wanted to love you, but a heresy doesn’t become less heretical because of love.”

A horror story about the first zombie who, on becoming a zombie, hides from humanity because they have seen too many movies and video games about how humans treat monsters. (Basically, the AI-are-evil problem in sci-fi applied to another genre.)

“I forget nothing.”
“You forgive less.”

I started to make a joke of our argument but then you kissed me, which wasn’t fair to either of us at the time.

"We haunt the places were we lived, avoiding those where we died. That's why you never saw me before for all your searching," the ghost said. "I have moved on. You did not."

“I thought I was over it. Four days. It’s been four days.”
“Jesus, Marc.”
“No. My loss is my loss, my pain is mine to own. You don’t get to judge my hurt by what you have suffered. You don’t get to decide my pain isn’t enough because it isn’t the same as yours! Four days. It’s been four days since my last relapse. Since I fell into the void. Some wounds never close. People say they do, but they don’t. You just learn to hide the pain. That’s all we do. We learn to hide it. We become what we pretend, until there’s nothing of us that isn’t a pretending. That doesn’t think the pain is normal, that doesn’t think the hurting is meant to stop. We try, and we try too hard, and we fall away. We fall away. We have our ideals, and we fall from them.”
“You binged on Netflix for six hours. I think you’re taking this a little far.”

“Make your choice.”
“This - this wasn’t in our marriage vows!”
“I don’t care. I said, choose. It’s either me, or –.”
“Wait.”
“Wait? For wha – you’re tweeting this conversation, aren’t you?”
“I –.”
“I said you had to choose between me and your phone. I see you’ve made your choice.”
“But - but this just got us a gold star on reddit …”

“I used to be scared of you. Until I learned what real monsters are like, that sometimes the worst scars are the ones others can see. But I won’t thank you, not for anything you might have tried to teach me, but for a single sleepless night of curled-up pain.
“Because I’m pretty fucking sure teaching me wasn’t the point of it at all, dad.”

The forest spirit didn’t have a car. Of course he didn’t. What self-respecting forest spirit would own a car? He confessed to having a Segway, but I’m almost sure he was joking.

All numbers are lucky numbers. Because if they were not numbers, they would have to be very confused letters.

My response to the question 'When will the trend of Disney-related things in other contexts die?'
Cruella, Cruella, Cruella. Think of it like this: 101 Dalmatians. Bondage gear. Goofy. All trends must have an end-point, and until then the puppies can finally be punished for all they did to the carpets.

I didn’t declare a major in university because I didn’t want to be associated with our military.

“Do you have a discount for seniors?”
The grim reaper considered that. “No.”

He added ‘sin eater’ to his resume on the basis that he didn’t believe sin existed so it would be quite easy to eat.