facebook & google+ status updates part XIII

 Noise to signal: aliens secretly pay humans to create crop circles in order to hide their real ones from the world.

When will we measure a nation's Dreams Per Capita?

The truth of the myth about vampires and barriers is that they can only enter places with bad feng shui.

The question hung in the air between them unanswered. Unanswerable. Sometimes, he reflected, silence could seem a lot like sin.

Thought of the evening: If wisdom sets bounds even to knowledge, so Wikipedia then set bounds to facts?

A story to write eventually:

A ghost trying to keep itself up to date with the modern world. being dead may change your perspective on the world, but if you haunt one place how to do further your education or keep up with modern slang or jargon?

"The court would like to know why you entered the playboy mansion and then attempted suicide?"

"Well, your honour, I thought that we become ghosts after we die so it would be the best place to haunt."

‎"That one cannot find until one ceases to seek only applies to philosophical concepts, not to a rash."

She let out a sigh, smile slipping away to leave something far older and more worn behind. "I don't care that people hate me. I just wish they hated me over things I can control, not who I love or why."

They say that if you love something, you should set it free. If it doesn't come back, that's what GPS is for.

Title for a horror story:

The Man Who Couldn't Hate

The modern priest with his stethoscope in hand is, at the end of your days, as useless as those who held crosses.

They smoked in front of their children, held together by a common goal: insurance-acceptable murder via secondhand smoke.

The fast food giant executive stared at the as of a smiling family, the caption below them reading: 'This shit will kill you, but so will everything else.'

The presenter smiled weakly. "You said you wanted honesty? We could remove 'shit', if you like?"

"How can you be sad when the world is full of free porn on the internet?"
"I'm sad because it's free."

"You claim to be tweeting," the bird said to the man. "With respect, I think you are confused."

So spake the angry commuter: "I ran to a bus stop to miss a bus that didn't show."

The bus company's customer service representative offered: "Consider it a free metaphor."

Viscous dog free to a bad home.

Status update: Viscous dog NO LONGER free to a bad home. Has been bought by a cat and puréed.

zombie cops: the thin dead line.

The tree that ate kites turned out to eat red-headed little girls as well.

When I die, I want to see a giant sign reading: Game Over. Play Again? (Y/N)

"The rumours of my undeath are greatly exaggerated."

Since i have not slept, it is making perfect sense to wonder what happens when the tooth fairy gets drunk. What if she takes an eye instead, or a tongue?

And, perhaps more importantly, does she give more money because of that? Is she insured?

What is murder if not the work of an artist who prefers realism over abstraction?

The only thing worse than having flashbacks of the war was having flashforwards of the next.

Thought of the morning: A horror story about the Oxford Comma would prove interesting, or perhaps not, and then what?

"What is he talking about?"

"He is referring to carnal pleasures"

"Oh, like the ferris wheel!"

"Yes...like the ferris wheel."

For 1 easy payment of 29.95, we will send you patent-pending Bedroom Eyes! With guaranteed Hypnotic Power! Get away with murder!

(Only don't. Really.)

(Our lawyers insisted we put that in even though you can.)

(I did.)

From current WIP:

A wise king needs no jester, knowing himself to be fool enough.