Wednesday, September 05, 2012

facebook & google+ status updates part XV (August 2012)


"I used to have so much wisdom."
"Then you got married?"
"No. Then I had to cite my sources. Damn the internet."

Everyone pretended not to notice when the stunt doubles killed them and replaced them; they did their own acts and were cheaper than the actors had been.

Imagine a world where superheroes just do children's parties and nothing else ...

"Perfection is only something to flee from, ever and always: it is the most terrible lie in the entire world."
Help.


He laughs. "The thing is, we never do the right thing when we're afraid. And religion is all about fear."

The Detective was fired for the final time when Google finally made the police redundant.

People going around in mime outfits because the know the secret truth of words. Having freed their thoughts, they paint their faces like checkerboards to be free of colour: the secret rulers of the unseen worlds.

Saying you don't love me
Is a lot of things, but not
a 404 error.

Putin: Russian poutine, with is poutine made without curd.

CSI Survivor: every cast member of every series, one island. Every member voted off becoming a mysterious death for the others to solve.

"You have to hate to change; if you don't hate your life enough you'll never find the will to change it."

"Imagine what this world'd be like if it was the best of all possible worlds. Imagine it was perfect."
"That's nothing, man. You wanna be scared? Imagine it's perfect already."

"People are set in their ways; we must unsettle them."
"But a mousse that doesn't set isn't any good at all."
"What?"
"You have your metaphor, I have mine."

They said: "Jesus died for your sins!"
And I said: "Hey! Haven't you ever heard of spoilers? Way to ruin it, jerk."


Little known facts about Buddha:
* He uses the 'fat Buddha' statues as the before pictures in publicity photos.
* Buddha made sure history would remember he had blue eyes so artists wouldn't draw him in clothing that clashed with them.
* He has started a new-age religion called 'I Can't Believe It's Not Buddha'.
* Had he known of it, chocolate would have been the fifth Noble Truth.

What I learned the hard way: I discovered time travel solely so I could go back and troll myself.

Live long enough and you run out of things to hate.

He wrote something sweet and saccharine, desperate for people to love it, only to realize he could never beat Family Circus in how people prefer sweetness to truth.

"You know all that spam you get? Some if it even seems clever, and here's the reason: failed writers. All of them. They tried, and couldn't, so now they write all the spam messages the world sees."

Consider this a very witty post.

Presenting ... the Soul-Eater Diet Plan! No calories at all since it doesn't exist! (A soul, that is, not calories. Those are real. Too real.)

I opened a novel I'm working on solely to change the candy a character eats from M&Ms to Smarties as it made for better symbolism.

"Hello," he lied, rough music in his voice.

My prediction for the Hobbit movie:
They'll change the dwaves names, to make them accessible to the modern audience: Sleepy, Grumpy, Bashful ....

Novel idea:
The Hardy Boys and the Case of the Yellow Sign

"All you have to offer is your bitterness: why would I want that? Do you enjoy believing yourself to be helpless?"

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