My name is Charlie, and I eat gods.
There's not really a support group for that and not much of anything
in the way of explanations either. I can do other stuff, like scare
people, and children trust me. That might say something good about me
only if you don't know children. Today is one of those craptastic
mornings that three cups of coffee doesn't budge.
I used up all the hot water in the
bathroom – payment to the magician for not renting a real hotel
room – and he wandered into the bathroom and came out half an hour
later smelling of fresh-cut grass and trailing steam. "I asked
the water to warm up," he says as if that makes perfect sense
before pouring himself a coffee. He sits at the small table that is
the only other furniture in our motel room beyond the two
uncomfortable single beds we slept in. The coffee machine and cups
take up a third of the table themselves. I imagine the room would
classify as retro in some tv show.
"If everyone could do that, what
would power companies do?"
He looks over with the puzzled
blankness of someone who has never given it any thought and then
offers up: "Find another way to screw people over, I imagine,
given companies in general?"
"You could do something about it,"
I snap, dumping more sugar and cream into my coffee. It's not
helping.
"I could." He sips his
coffee. "But companies are made of people. If magicians went
around making people into not-people it would be–" he pauses
for more coffee "–unwise. I can show people errors. Force them
to face their hypocrisies – at least some of them – but there are
things even magic shouldn't do."
"Uh huh."
"People require a great deal of
disharmony to be, Charlie. We have to hold opposing ideas without
seeing them as that, pretend that our beliefs are solid as facts,
convince ourselves the world is solid when we know it is mostly
empty. And those are the easy bits. People are complicated, and you
don't get that kind of complexity without at least some level of
hypocrisy in it."
I pause. "Cognitive dissonance.
Another name for some of that." I've read a lot about
psychiatric shit. For reasons.
"Ah. I'll need to remember that.
It is shorter." He pours himself another coffee and waits.
He doesn't ask a single question.
That's the worst part. He just waits. "My nose."
"Pardon?"
"Acne. You know magic to get rid
of it?"
"You're fine just as you are."
I don't throw my coffee in his face.
"You're a magician." My voice is almost even. I think. "You
think that about everyone."
His smile is almost shy as he nods.
"But you have changed people.
'Fine' isn't 'Perfect'. It can even be better, right?" He sits
back and sighs. "Oh, come on: you must have had acne."
"A little bit, but not for long."
"Of course not. So."
"Do you think it would help you?"
There is something in his voice that makes me draw back. "You'll
like yourself more because of that one small thing?"
"I won't like myself less."
He raises an eyebrow. "Please don't tell me you're saying acne
has some kind of magic to it."
"Most things do depending on how
you look at them. Being a teenager is a time of chance, and chance is
always hard and ugly. People often hate their bodies at some point,
but they can blame it on a problem that goes away, make that the
focus and ignore everything else. I have acne, therefore I am not
desirable. It goes away, and I will be fine." He shrugs. "Most
mantras can be made into personal magics without conscious choice."
"Let's say I know that's all
bullshit."
He grins at that. "Feel it, then.
On your skin, under it. What is it, what it means to you. Do that,
and visualize it being gone."
I blink prod my nose with my left hand.
It feels tender but nothing else. "That's it?"
"Yes."
"We wasted five minutes talking in
order for you to do that?"
"No." He stands and gets his
duffel bag, tossing it on the bed and zipping it up.
I put my coffee aside and get my bag. I
know enough about him to know he can't tell true lies to people
because he can speak truth people can't ignore, that it's part of
what he is.
"That was me, then." He
doesn't look over. "And it wasn't magic."
"You eat gods. Energy. Things,"
he says, his face carefully bland as he looks back at me. "This
is just another facet of that."
I zip up my bag. "And I could do
it to other parts of me." He says nothing. "You think I'm
that shallow, magician?"
He just smiles, slow and sad, and walks
out the door without a single word.
Y'know, I was secretly hoping the magician would say acne does have its own magic...
ReplyDeletemagic blackheads!