Apologia

The only kind of sorry
You believe is the one
I'll never say
only

I thought I had to
Wanted to, needed,
But your eyes, they were
only

So hungry, and the words
Died, they died inside
So I smiled instead,
only

In the quiet I was laughing
to fill the holes
I wanted to say
only

only I can't apologize
For having done no wrong
Even if it would heal the
lonely places

tears do not water
and we are searching
for a wholeness that

we may never know
only by it's absence.