The first time the four
horsemen had a poker night, it unleashed the black plague. The last
time, four celebrities spouted pseudoscience and endorsed products.
"The serial killers
are working in tandem," the Detective said. "Six cities,
six people killed at the same time in what can only be described as
synchronized murder. We think they're failed Olympic hopefuls."
"Free Ipad3 for every hundred
animals kills!"
- A proposed campaign
against having too many domesticated animals. Unfunded.
In a world devoid of
kindness and hope, where mercy and compassion were outlawed and
justice no longer a concept, one power remains to the people: "Charge
it."
The aliens assumed
we'd begun to colonize our solar system when they saw signs in store
fronts reading: 'Space For Lease.'
"There is no
law saying we have to make money." The manager smiled. "Let's
see the competition beat this
price."
The compassion of the wealthy is dependant upon how many of their
social circle they can shame with their false halos.
The world is too full of empty promises.
Today's Fun Fact: if you eat enough McDonald's, zombies won't infect
you.
"I'm sorry, but God isn't going to return: you're confusing Him
with the Great Pumpkin."
For sale: almost
new car. Airbag works!
The aliens
determined that earth was too boring to allow to exist shortly after
watching golf on TV.
The present is
always more beautiful than the future.
Cake chart: a pie chart with more
information.
The sphinx smiled.
"Who were you before you were?"
"You."
Stone eyes
narrowed. "And who I was I?"
"Me."
At which point the sphinx ate the questioner for being too clever by
half.
Between the idea and the execution lies the internet, a modern siren
whispering sweet, sweet distractions.
Dentist, n.: An ex-tooth fairy.
A single
streetlight never turns green, vehicles slowly backing up to freeze
the entire city.
She no longer gets
haircuts after her hair began to cry each time it was cut.
News just in:
Mideast peace talks stalled as midwest feel their voices are not
being heard.
Paintings on an
office wall: all places you've been to, each as deserted as once they
were full.
A PA system that
only broadcasts the most private of thoughts.
Tongue Depressor:
a mother-in-law's criticisms.
Two scoops of
brains in Kellog's Cannibal Bran!
In this respect
religions are like quantum mechanics: if they don't scare you, you
haven't understood.
There never was
a first date
"Wow, that
looks Greek to me," he says with a laugh, glancing at her book.
She pauses, doesn't look up. "That's because it is."
"I'm sorry," he said, almost gentle. "There is no
rivalry between us. There never has been. I don't hate you. There is
nothing in you worthy of hating."
Smite(tm): the favourite iphone app of deities everywhere! Buy now
and get free trial run of 'try being an atheist now! One curse fits
all annoyances.'
For Sale: One soul.
Never used.
"How many people do you have to
kill before being branded a serial killer?"
"What?"
"It's just that this is the fourth bird our cat has killed in
one week."
RPG idea of the evening: Anime-style mecha game with a twist.
MechaCthulhu.
"We found two red socks at the scene of this crime as well,"
the Detective said to the press. ""I believe the
perpetrators are trying to hide the evidence of their crimes using
clues."
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